I just went for a short trip in Venice for the film festival with some friends from Hong Kong. On the last day when we were saying goodbye to our 21 year old, very promising English publicist at the Marco Polo airport, the Asian origin team was about to node their heads for the appreciation before disappearing behind the gates entrance. The young man reaches his hand to our manager lady and starts to shake hands to each one till me, the last. To showing my appreciation of his wonderful and sleepless work, I was shaking his hand and slightly leaning ahead which naturally lead us to a cheek kiss. A kiss on the right cheek is perfectly normal for any non latin background European, but this kid was chaining it a second one on the left cheek after. Maybe it was because we were in Italy. A set of right and left cheek kisses is the least we can apply here.
After about 30 minutes' take off delay and race flying speed with Air France. We finally landed at the CDG airport. My Hong Kong fellows were about to transfer to their international flight and leave me returning to my Paris home. We wave goodbye to each other as usual. Then suddenly my actress friend turned back and gave me a French style cheek kisses with her sexy lips, and before she left, the manager, the hair stylist and rest of the team all claim their cheek kisses one after the other.
This was not the first time or might not be the last time, that a group of Asian exercises the French bise on me. I'm sure they're all very curious and attempting about it when they're traveling in Europe. Yes. Not when they're in Asia. A friend of mine asked me if faire la bise is inappropriate at all to an Asian? Cause this handsome artist gave a cheek kisses to an Asian gay man and he also hug and cheek kissed an Asian young woman. The both kisses were processed in public and the both receivers were completely blushed. After we carefully studied the circumstance and timing and person's character. Our conclusion is definitely Yes. A hug or a cheek kiss it's inappropriate in Asia, to an Asian in public.
"How about in private?" He asked. "Oh. That's even worse." I replied. I'm sure the hug or the cheek kiss receiver will codes it as the intimate relation request if any physical contact or even eye contact involved. I recall several times my Swedish husband makes my Asian female or male friends thought he wanted to sex them up. Scandinavian people hugs to say hi and eyeing sharply into eyes when cheering drinks or during conversation for respect. But after many unwanted misunderstanding incidents, I figured other I need to print a manual to all my Asian friends or I need to warn my man about it. Although I've had some experiences about my husband's scandinavian friends hug me tight after many drinks, which I perfectly know how to handle it, or some european couple friends use me as their relationship booster... That the guy pretends to be very close to an exotic Asian girl to create jealous reaction from his wife or girlfriend, which I find extremely annoying. And I'm sure any of my Asian friends will be very struggled if they encounter the same.
So how we faire la bise?
1. It's really important that you cheek kiss on the right place and on the right timing.
2. The cheek kiss should be on the cheek of course, not close to ear or close to mouth. Any wrong interpretation may cause you reputation. It sounds serious but true.
3. You don't necessarily need to create the kissing sound, or actually kiss on cheek. A gesture of cheek to cheek sometimes is fairly enough.
4. You can also apply some appreciation words or promising to meet soon while you cheek kiss.
5. Normally we cheek kiss on the right or from the right to left if it's 2 kisses. We start from the right is to avoiding unwanted accidently lips to lips and look like kissing fish.
6. And we look somewhere else or blur the eye focus but to look at the kiss receiver.
7. In England or some fashionable people in US is 1 right cheek kiss between friends, or a set of two between close friends.
8. In latin european countries is always at least a set of 2. A set of 3 for good friends, or provence and some other cities. A set of 4 for close friends and family.
9. Beware of some pervert old guys may give a set of 6 to 8 kisses to a young woman or talk dirty near the ear or "accidentally" get too close to the lips.
10. Sometime people make dramatic smack sound when cheek kissing kids or for fun between friends is totally normal.
I remember when I work on a french movie set in the early 90's. I was spending at least a half an hour of cheek kissing of a set of 4 to say good morning and another half an hour to say bye daily to all my colleagues. And ever since i noticed that they often only cheek kiss to female colleagues and sometimes handshake to male colleagues, I realized the cheek kiss gesture is actually a bit sexism and I claimed the justice once on a short film set which broken some male colleagues' feeling and spiced up some female colleagues against me. But anyhow. Now I personally only enjoy cheek kissing between friends or to someone I appreciate. And glad we're not in Russia where they actually lips to lips to say hi even between guys.
